Everyone Needs an Adventure Buddy

August 13, 2015August 8, 2015Leave a comment

My husband Joe and I just got back from our second trip to Voyageurs National Park by Lake Kabetogama on the Minnesota-Canadian border. We load our big Lund fishing boat, wear our adventure pants, head up north to a resort called Moosehorn, and rent a cabin for a week offishing Walleye. This is our second time to the resort because the owners, Christy and Jerry work really hard to make sure you catch fish and have a great time. We caught some really nice Walleyes, and more importantly, we were able to spend a really nice week together. I caught the biggest Walleye. More on that later.

You can do these types of things whenever you want when you are empty nesters. Joe and I have been on some very fun adventures together since our nest became empty. You can read more about by browsing the Practice Fun Living and Empty Nest Shenanigans pages on this site. We loved raising our kids, but the reality is that those years are about them, as it should be. We spent a lot of time in those years, through all of the different phases from diapers and then school, and all of the activities such as soccer, hockey, dance, plays, band and our wonderful family vacations. It was a hectic time, and with all of the kid activities, we sometimes had to work really hard to stay connected as a couple. We did stay connected; we now have been married for almost 30 years, and we can once again appreciate each other’s company as we are back to having things more about us and what we want to do.

I look back on those family years and even though some of them are a blur, one thing is for sure. I married a really nice guy who took care of us all and would do anything for his family. We recently sold our family home in Blaine, and I was talking to a friend and I told her that none of the light bulbs in that house had ever burned out in 25 years. At first she looked confused and then it dawned on her that of course they had burned out, I just did not have to change them because Joe quietly always replaced them. I don’t even ever remember having to ask him to replace any. He just took care of them. I also had my last car for ten years and during that time it never once ran out of washer fluid. Another thing that he just made sure was always done.

Over the years he has had to do a lot of things for his family. I have come to the conclusion that it is not big spectacular things, but the small things that make a good dad and husband. He has not had to defend his family against an intruder or wrestle a bear or cougar in a National Park so the kids and I would not be mauled, although that would be a good story, but over the years he has had to take care of all of their gadgets that break, whether phones or cars, and schedule and keep track of oil changes on sometimes as many as five different vehicles. He has paid a few parking tickets for our college students—luckily no one has ever done anything serious, and when they were in High School he had to help them with their math and calculus, since he has a PhD and actually easily understood that complicated homework.

Over the years Joe fixed many a broken door, screen, window, dresser drawers and toys. He was there for them when they needed him and he has always been a low maintenance guy. Joe loves watching his Twins baseball and he is so easy going that he seldom complains. As our kids say, he can live off of a handful of peanuts and is happy with that. He mows the lawn, pays the bills, and would drive his family thousands of miles on family vacations. He had to put up with all of the pets our kids wanted over the years and had a real tolerance for all of the noise in our house when the kids were teens and had their friends over for movies, music and games. Those teens ate everything in the house like locusts, and were so loud you needed ear plugs sometimes, but it had to get really bad before he complained.

We did a lot of fun things with those kids over the years, and we had a lot of fun together. The guy has skills other than mowing lawns and fixing broken stuff in the house. When we took a driving vacation around Europe for our 25^th anniversary he bossed it up on the roads, including keeping up with the Germans on the Autobahn, and he caught on quickly to driving without obeying the traffic signs and weaving around the hundreds of motorcycles on the streets of Rome. I had my hands over my eyes more than once. Yes, we got a couple of tickets in Europe for driving down the wrong way in Amsterdam and in Italy, but that was my fault as the navigator and it was well worth it, for the great sites that we saw on that vacation. There was not a scratch on the car and after being in Europe for about two weeks. I knew he had this driving thing down like a local when we went to a German restaurant for pork hock night and he parked our car with two wheels onto the sidewalk, just like the locals.

It is good to have an adventure buddy with balls who is not afraid to try something new, and a guy with some skills who knows how to do everything from fix the computer to catch fish. We have zip lined, snorkeled, and we have sat our butts in the Natural hot springs of the blue lagoon in Iceland. We have visited the cliffs on the Mediterranean at the Cinque Terre in Italy, stayed on a farm in the Alps by Innsbruck Austria, and a castle on the Mosel River in Germany. We have hiked and fished in Hawaii, Alaska and Costa Rica and we hope to have many adventures ahead.

It is good to have the right adventure buddy. We encourage and reassure each other and more importantly we have fun together. If you cannot have fun together, a marriage will not last for 30 years. I have found that you have to find common interests, and the key is that you enjoy being with the other person.

We enjoy many things and we can still have fun at things we have been doing for years. We work together on the planning and preparations for our adventures and we have a list of future adventures that we already know we want to try. Last week at Kabetogama, as usual with our fishing adventures, there is a lot of trash talking about who will catch the biggest fish and the first fish. I make him take pictures of every fish I catch, no matter how embarrassingly small it is. I did catch the biggest fish this year and have been rubbing it in since we are back, but he reminds me that he caught the first fish. Most importantly, we enjoy our time together. We go with the flow; we enjoy not only the adventure, but the planning, preparations and getting there and back, and talking about it afterward even when it is trash talking about who caught the biggest fish.

Picking the right adventure buddy for both your vacation adventures as well as your own life adventure is crucial to enjoying your time on this earth. Who would have thought, looking from afar that the quiet guy who gets little recognition when he changes the washer fluid on the cars and changes light bulbs in the house, the guy who is mowing the lawn and paying the bills, going unappreciated and almost unnoticed most of the time, would be the best husband and dad a family could ask for. The kids and I have appreciated the things Joe has done for us, even though we have not expressed it as often as we should.

Appreciate your adventure buddy, your quiet guy who has done his duty for his kids and wife; the guy who asks for little in return, but shows up for everything from changing dirty diapers to hauling the kids stuff to college. It has been a fun ride and we have many more adventures ahead. Life can be fun with the right Adventure Buddy!

Touching Volcanos

July 2, 2015July 2, 2015Leave a comment

I have always been fascinated by the earth’s natural beauty and mysteries. If I had been born independently wealthy I would have put that money to good use. I would fly over volcanoes, and I would have been to every continent by now, and done every eco tour in cool places like the Galapagos and Madagascar. But even though I was not born independently wealthy, I have done my best to see some cool places. We took a lot of family vacations when the kids were young. I do think it is important to travel with kids, but that is not why I traveled with them. I traveled with them because it was really fun and we saw a lot of cool stuff. It was not a burden; I really looked forward to it. I loved the planning part and I loved being on vacation. I still do love vacations even though it is just Joe and I, but it is different without the kids. Not worse, not better, just different. Still amazing and still seeing cool stuff.

I have a fairly high stress job, and if you asked my employees what I am like they would probably
say type A, and that I can be really driven and intense, but none of those things were true when I was on vacation. Once I crawled into our Yukon packed for adventure with the kids, the stress all melted away. I felt patient and more go with the flow than any other time, and that was true no matter what the age of the kids. I still relax the minute I start my vacation. When they were young and in car seats we stopped if they got restless, we fed them when hungry and they took naps when they got tired. We went with the flow, had a good plan and if something unexpected happened, we just dealt with it and some of those unexpected events led to some of our best stories.

I always wanted to see Yellowstone National Park, as I was fascinated by the photos of volcanic waters and bubbling mud pots coming to the earth’s surface, and the best part is that it is not that far from Minnesota. It is one of our oldest and most impressive National Parks and a must see for every family. In July of 1994, we packed up our two little kids, five year old Sara and two year old Ben in our big four wheel drive Ford Arostar van. At the time, I was huge and pregnant with our third child, Jenny, due in December. We packed our cooler with cheese and sandwiches, water and Gatorade, and a back seat with a treasure of crackers, colors, toys, smarties candies and dollar store finds to stay busy on long drives. Each child got to help pack their own bags and a backpack with their special things to stay busy. We bought Sara a Polaroid camera and film for her birthday, which was in July, to take pictures at each sightseeing stop. We bought her a small photo album as well so she could put the “instant pictures,” as we called those Polaroid’s back then, into the album, and she wrote the location on each one with some help with the spelling. She was ready to start kindergarten that fall.

Sara was always a good traveler and the best at going with the flow. She was the oldest, so a good helper with the younger kids and very patient if she had the wait for anything. She was our sweet Sara and still is our sweet Sara. Ben was an active kid even at two and so every once in a while when we had been driving too long, he would say, “Daddy I have to run” and so Joe would find a spot at a gas station or fast food parking lot and we would let him out of his car seat and let him run his energy off. He almost always had a smile on his face and was so excited any time we saw any animals at the park like the buffalo and the moose and bear. It was fun to see the world through his eyes. He loved books and would look at those as we drove or I had a bag of cheap simple toys from the dollar store and when he got bored, I would let him pick one. It took a long time for him to get it out of the packaging, so that kept him busy while we made more miles.

On our 1994 trip, we stopped at the Bad Lands and we eventually made it to Yellowstone. When we got there we tried to check into the park accommodations, but it appeared some mistake occurred and while we thought we had reserved a room with two queen beds, they had us down for a small room with just two single beds. Now this is just another reason that Joe will always be my best adventure buddy. He did not get upset or excited. He remained polite to the young woman behind the desk, but he was insistent that there had to be something else available for us. She was as insistent that it was July and everything was booked. He finally looked at her and pointed to me standing a ways away, clearly very pregnant, hot in the July weather, holding a two year old and with Sara beside me. He told her as he pointed at us this is what we are working with. Two small beds will not work; you need to give us something else. You must have some place set aside for these kinds of things or if someone important comes or a celebrity. It was so cute and he was half smiling as he said it. It was charming. She smiled because it was so cute and funny at the same time. She talked to some supervisors and they brainstormed as I went to the gift shop and looked to keep the kids busy and entertained. Well it took some work on their part, but I have to give them credit. They were awesome and got it figured out.

We ended up with a cabin in the park with two bedrooms. It was even better than what we had reserved. People are generally good. They tried their best to fix this problem and they solved it. They could have just said tough luck, we cannot do anything, but they worked and I don’t know how, but they solved our problem and made it a very special and memorable vacation for us. When we woke up the next morning the buffalo were sleeping around in back of our cabin. The kids watched them from the windows as we packed the car for the day’s adventures in the park. We stayed in the cabin for three days while we went sightseeing throughout the park. We saw the geysers bubbling boiling hot water from deep within the earth, and we hiked around the mud pots and Yellowstone Falls. I was as mesmerized and amazed by these surface volcanic waters as the kids. We saw moose with their babies and we saw bear and buffalo.

We loved it so much, we visited again in 2003 when the kids were a little older and Jenny could see and enjoy it too. She was and still is always up for an adventure. The kids were big enough on that trip that we had them participate in a park program for kids to become junior rangers and they soaked in the cool waters of the Yellowstone River and hiked to all the great spots. We would tailor our activities to their age on each vacation and as they got older we could do more things.

Yellowstone is one of those amazing jewels where around each corner is a natural mystery that grounds you to the bigger universe. It confirms you are a small thing in a big and fascinating world. To share that inner beauty and understanding with your kids at all ages is a gift to them, and a renewal for you to remember what is important. It’s not the paperwork that never seems to be done at work, but to really enjoy our time on this earth.

I have found out there are two parts to every vacation. The first is the amazing part of spending time with the kids and your husband when no one is stressed and everyone is having a good time. Also getting to know that the guy you married cares deeply about his family and can solve an unexpected problem that occurs without getting upset or treating the people who are doing their best to work with all of the tourists with respect. After all, he clearly learned a long time ago that he can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. He made it all better.

The second part of vacation is to see the natural beauty of our earth and to be amazed and surprised. Kids need to be amazed and surprised and we all need amazement and wonder in our lives, no matter what age. When we lose the wonder of life, we spend too much time sweating the small stuff and losing the focus of our short time on this earth. When we touch volcanoes we see the power and wonder of the earth. It renews our spirit and resets our priorities. Amazement and wonder is absolutely necessary for a happy life.

Intergenerational Travel

May 31, 20151 Comment

The title sounds like something out of Star Trek, but the actual trip proved to be more fun than space exploration. A few years back, when the kids were in High School, we decided to take a trip to Colorado with my parents, our teens, and an extra neighbor boy, Chris who had spent a lot of time at our house, and was very close to all of us. We planned the trip with Mom and Dad driving their big RV, and we would follow in our Yukon with all of our camping gear. The kids rode mainly in the RV with Mom and Dad and I rode with them a lot too. Poor Joe had to drive by himself a lot.

We stopped along the way to eat. It was great having the RV and its refrigerator with all of those constantly hungry teens along. We had reservations at Rocky Mountain National Park with the tent in a site close to the RV site. My dad was always the grill master and did a lot of the cooking for the crowd on his little grill. It took us a day to get there and our weather could not have been better. We settled in and as we looked around I could see this amazement on the kids faces. We had done a lot of travel with our kids, but Chris had not been so lucky, and none of them had been to the Rockies before. It was worth the entire trip just to see Chris’ face as he saw these beautiful mountains rising above the large cool pines. The campsite was right in the middle of all of this beauty. The sites, cool moist air, and beautiful smells were almost overwhelming at first.

The mountains are so large, it almost made you dizzy to look up, and of course at that altitude the air was thin. It is, in my estimation, one of the most beautiful places on earth. I am old enough that I remember John Denver’s best song, Rocky Mountain High. I could not help but think of the lyrics: “He was born in the summer of his 27^th year coming home from a place he had never been before…” The Rocky Mountains are majestic enough that it does give you a natural high and there is a certain comfort level when you are enveloped by them. There is no way to be stressed from the office when you hike the trails and witness the majesty of this most beautiful park.
We did activities for everyone. My parents were really flexible with that and actually it was nice having them along to give rides and pick us up. We planned a twelve mile hike up into the mountains to see a lake in the park. Dad drove us with his RV to the site to drop us off at the trail head. He got in a little trouble with the ranger for driving his RV on a narrow road, but he had so many years experience as a truck driver that he accomplished the task with no problems at all so the Ranger just smiled and let him go.

I loved having teenagers. On that same hike, we started off on the trail and I happen to look at my daughter Jenny’s feet and here she was going on a twelve mile hike with her purse on her arm and in flip flops. Well the RV had already left so nothing to do about that now. I told her she should have worn her hiking boots, but she insisted it would be fine and of course it was. It is nice to have young and tolerant feet! I had to smile sometimes, because I saw others on the trail look at her sandals and kind of cringe, but she did not even have one blister or anything.

We hiked up the six miles to the lake and it was worth every step to get there. It was a beautiful blue crystal lake surrounded by those majestic snow kissed mountains. I took a picture of Ben, Chris, and Jenny resting and eating our sandwiches by that lake. I actually have it blown up in my office, it is so gorgeous. Chris kept feeding his Oreos to a squirrel. It was so cute. We ate our lunch and took stock of our water supply. It was a little low, but to our surprise that big purse Jenny was carrying on her back also had a large bottle of Gatorade in it. That purse and little girl in her flip flops made everyone’s day. Gatorade was just what we needed for that hike back down the mountain where Dad and Mom were waiting with their RV. We also went White Water rafting down the Royal Gorge, and Mom and Dad stood on the Royal Gorge 050102 1310__1086 Bridge, watched for us and took pictures when we went by. We did a lot of fun things together on that vacation

I have to admit I was a little hesitant at the beginning of the trip as to how it would all work with three generations traveling together, but I have to say it was one of the best and most memorable vacations we ever had. I hope my parents can say the same thing. At that time Mom and Dad had been empty nesters for quite some time and were not used to the noise and commotion of a family of teens, and of course these children took after me and were loud and could have fun no matter where they were. But Mom and Dad were always upbeat and never seemed bothered by the commotion. They seemed to enjoy seeing the mountains through the eyes of this curious group of teens, who had never been to the Rocky Mountains before. They took in stride the shoes that they had to trip over going in and out of the RV and the constant feeding and care that it took to keep this group happy.

I was a little worried that the kids, with all of their electronics and such, may not like the rustic camping and all of the hiking and being in close quarters with us and the grandparents, but they also were never crabby or a problem of any kind. Once in a while during the trip one would retreat to a bedroom and play a game on their phone or something by themselves, but soon they would be back again in the thick of things. They never once fought or got into any trouble. They were easy to be around. It was fun seeing how everyone interacted. They would help with cooking and small chores around the RV.

Everyone got along the entire trip and some became very close. I think my kids became closer to their grandparents and I know Chris became closer to them and to us too. Our kids became closer and they still talk about this trip as one of the best. It was a one hundred percent success story and now that our kids are gone from home and my parents are not as flexible to travel that far anymore, I am sure thankful that we did that trip with them. It has provided fond memories for our kids as well as us, and for my parents. Life is short and the time you have with your kids at home and your parents is short. Take those opportunities to try something out of your comfort zone. For us intergenerational travel meant witnessing the beauty of our county together and seeing it through the eyes of the young and the older. For us it strengthened our family bonds and created a common memory and stories that we all share.

My Mom Has Skills

May 28, 2015May 28, 2015Leave a comment

My mom is one of the most competent people I know. She has never been afraid to try anything, and in any situation, she always seems to know what to do. Even though she is in her eighties, she can work her cell phone to text her children and grandchildren, and she can even send pictures. She is on Facebook and can navigate her computer better than many people who are a lot younger than her. She has really kept up with the new technology.

When I was growing up, she sewed our clothes on the farm, kept a clean house, and could bake the best bread and pie. She cared for the farm animals and her family as if she had advanced medical training. My brother once dislocated his shoulder playing Tarzan in the big barn, and when he came screaming into the house she grabbed his arm and snapped the shoulder back into place and he went back to playing. Growing up we believed she could do anything.

She has many talents, but she has always had a knack for caring for both babies and animals. After I had my first baby, she came to help me within a few hours of our return home from the hospital. Even though I had been a Labor and Delivery nurse for seven years, the baby and I were both crying within an hour of being home. Between hormones and exhaustion, I really needed her. She barely had her coat off and she sent me for a nap, while she rocked my baby to sleep. I invited her into the operating room with my husband and me for the c-section birth of my third child. We have always been close.

She is legendary with my kids when it comes to animals. They know she kills spiders with her bare hand and is not afraid of anything. My kids tell the story of one particular Thanksgiving at our house. Mom and Dad were there, and lots of relatives. The house was full and loud with pre-dinner activities. The kids were pre-teen and running around playing. While setting the table and cooking the meal, the kids accidentally let the parakeet out of its cage. It was a mild mannered bird, except if you tried to hold it. Then it was a crazy biter and they referred to it as birdzilla. They were afraid of it. Mom suggested that the kids just pick it up and put it back in its cage. They were insistent that one could not touch it, because it was a biter. My mom just laughed and told them it’s just a little bird, as she swept it up so quickly the bird did not have time to fly or know what happened. To the surprise of everyone, she had it in one hand with its little head between two fingers. The kids were in awe as she did not flinch; while it was biting her all the way back to the cage. She just talked to it in a soothing voice.

When we were growing up on the farm she cared for our farm animals, and taught us to help as we got older. She tended a large garden and we grew a lot of our own food. She was the one who almost always said yes to our pet requests. She brought home a little baby house dog for us when we were very young, and we all agreed on the name Sparky, with her help.

She brought him home and set him on the floor with us, as we sat around in a circle. I think I was only about three at the time and my sister was six and my brother was five. She told us to be very gentle and she showed us how to pet our new puppy, so as not to hurt it. She was such a good teacher. Giving us the knowledge and know how to take care of him and yet not hurt him, even if it was by accident. She showed us how to put a mother cat at ease by petting her and talking calmly to her, reassuring her that it was OK for Mom to hold her kittens and show them to us. Animals were at ease with her.

A few years later she let us get a larger outdoor farm dog when our cousin’s dog had puppies. We were convinced that the one puppy wanted to go home with us after playing with them. She made sure we were responsible to feed him. Forgetting to feed him and give him water was not an option. She made it clear that the animals depend upon us. We ended up being very close to that dog. He was never more than a few feet away from us as we played on the farm.

She and my dad still fish a lot in their boat, and she has learned to run their GPS and fish finder with great ease. She can even trouble-shoot and change settings as she needs to, depending on the lake they are on. She is good at fishing and loves traveling. She and dad have been everywhere in their RV, and she has been the navigator for them through mountains and in large cities.

My mom was as strict as she needed to be, to keep us from getting into trouble and making sure we did well in school and respected our elders. I distinctly remember my mom sending my brother and me out to weed the corn field after she caught us shooting homemade bows and arrows at the playhouse door while our sister was inside. She came and got us after an hour or so and made us promise never to do anything that dangerous again. She had to deal with a lot of shenanigans.

She had a lot of tolerance for our love of pets. Once when we were pre-teens we visited the elderly farmer next door and came back with a box covered with a towel, and carefully carried it into our kitchen. We walked very gently, and my mom had just finished putting dinner on the table and could see that we had what we thought was a treasure. She came over and asked what was in the box, knowing she probably would not like the answer. We giggled and pulled the towel off showing six puffy yellow baby geese. We told her our neighbor Lawrence had given them to us and we were going to keep them in our room. She rolled her eyes and without hesitation said you cannot keep them in your room, but she did not say we had to take them back. She told us they have to be under a warming light and she helped us set it up in our kitchen, until they were big enough to go outside. I loved those geese. They were like watch geese. They were very loud when someone drove into the yard.

Likewise she let us keep a horse from that same neighbor when we convinced her that it kept coming to our farm because it was lonely, because Lawrence told us he was getting too old to ride it and he said we could have it. I had my own calf every year to bottle feed and we had chickens, baby pigs, and once she let us get a chinchilla. She helped us nurse a pigeon back to health after it hit a window and hurt its wing. She helped bandage its wing and showed us how to feed it oats until it was healed enough to fly. Mom taught us to milk a cow and how to pick chicken eggs. She taught us how to give medicine and vaccinations to calves, and once in a particularly cold rainy spring, she brought a newborn calf into the house to save it. It was in bad shape and would have died had she not dried it out by putting it into a large box and warmed it up with an old bonnet hair drier.

Mom could fix our ouchies with a kiss, and she could fix the bailer when it broke. She always looked good, and even though she had all of us, we were clean and well behaved in church on Sundays. Her house was clean and we were well fed. She accomplished it all and kept up with the farm. Looking back on it, I do not know how she did it all.

Mom was good to us in tolerating our curiosity, and she has always been good with her grandchildren in teaching them kindness and care of animals. My mom taught us to be gentle and to care for soft, small helpless things in this world that depend upon us. We all have called her often over the years for advice on kids, puppies, baking, fixing things, and just to talk when we were stressed.

I have only fond memories of growing up on the farm with her, all of us running barefoot, playing with the animals and eating tomatoes right out of the garden. Mom showed no fear in how she approached any project and we have tried to show her same confidence and competence in our endeavors. She taught us independence, self reliance and she had confidence in us that we could accomplish anything.

My Wild and Crazy Dad

May 17, 2015May 21, 2015Leave a comment

My dad was a fun guy when we were growing up. There was nothing he would not try at least once and he never met anyone that he did not like and everyone liked him. He was a positive guy with a positive attitude. He is still fun and still positive, even though he is in his Eighties.

He grew up in Montana originally, and then his family moved to Buckman, Minnesota. Dad was very talented musically. He could play guitar and when he sang he sounded like Johnny Cash. He actually played in a local band with a woman who played accordion and concertina and sang and they had a drummer. He quit the band when we were young and I think the staying up late on weekends in the local bars playing music became a problem for a guy taking care of a young family. However music was always part of our family activities. We even had guitars along when we were camping. Yes, we actually did sing Kumbaya around the campfire with our cousins. Everybody had a lot of kids, so camping was a few adults and then a boat load of kids that were all different ages. Everybody got included in everything no matter what age. Those were fun times!

He and Mom raised us on a beef cattle farm by Pierz, Minnesota, in which they took great pride. My dad’s main job was driving truck for a road construction company and he drove everything from the large belly dump trucks to hauling heavy equipment. Many times he had to be gone during the week, living in our Winnebago travel trailer and coming home on weekends. So my Mom, a strong woman of German heritage, and we kids took care of the farm and cattle during the week. Beef cattle were fairly self sufficient in the summer. Towards the end of the week we would have made plans for our family adventures. We went camping, swimming and boating. Dad got a large truck tire inner tube at one point and blew it up and we took turns trying to stand on it while swimming in the local lakes. He was with us the whole time trying to stand on it too. We all took a lot of dunks in the lake before we mastered that.

When we were teens, my Dad bought a boat and a pair of water skis and we all learned it. Dad was first to try since it was his idea. He mastered it in no time and was skiing on one ski. We had a lot of fun with that boat in the 1970’s. He was always encouraging us to try new things and he always exuded complete confidence in our abilities. My mom was the same way and taught us to drive tractors and ride horses. She went along with all of our shenanigans.

We were the first in the neighborhood to buy snowmobiles, also in the 1970’s, and we used an old cover of a washer to pull behind the snowmobiles with a long rope like a snow saucer. I am surprised we survived that swinging around in crazy fashion through our snow covered farm fields. When our neighbors and cousins got snowmobiles we would have large get togethers in the woods and start a campfire, roast hot dogs and drive snowmobiles at night.

For big family adventures we planned vacations around farm work and Dad’s road work. I remember we went to Colorado in a long weekend by driving all night long. When we reached Greely, Colorado, there were lots of young people driving and walking along the roads for a concert in town. We experienced the beauty of Colorado and had great family time together.

There were very few things that my dad did not try and very few that he did not master. He and Mom were excellent dancers, and he taught me to polka with him too. My grandpa, his dad, spent a lot of time at our farm too. Grandpa and Dad built us a teeter-totter that not only went up and down, but also around. It was dangerous looking back at it, but it was really fun and no one got seriously hurt. They also built us a harness for our German Shepard dog. We hooked him up to the red wagon, with one of us sitting in the wagon and the others driving bikes in front of the wagon, and that dog would run like his tail was on fire down our long driveway giving the kid in the wagon the ride of their life. The dog loved it. When we brought out the harness he got all excited.

My dad is still an adventurous guy. Even though he is in his eighties, he likes to travel with their RV and go fishing and camping. He and Mom still attend fun community and church activities, go out to dinner, and play cards with friends. He is still as fun as ever and still finds friends no matter where he goes. He has taught us to be accepting of everyone, to explore the world, show kindness, be adventurous and not be fearful to try new things. Life is a gift.

The Fishing Connection

May 7, 2015May 21, 2015Leave a comment

I have always loved fishing. One of my first dates with my husband of 28 years was fishing in a small lake that was stocked with Bass. It was like fishing in a barrel. I thought the guy was the best fisherman I had ever met. He told me years later that the lake was a private lake stocked with tons of Bass for non motorized fishing by the owner of the company he was working for at the time. He had special permission to fish it that day. He was clearly trying to impress me and it worked. We have been fishing together for 28 years and now that we are empty nesters we take our boat to Kabatogama for a week of big fishing adventures once a year. So far we have not become lost in the wilderness, which is a real possibility up there, and we have some gorgeous pictures and some very fond memories of driving our boat to the historic Kettle Falls Hotel. It is a fun way to spend time together.

Everyone in the family, including my parents who are now in their Eighties, take part in the fishing opener each year. Our family scrambles around for months before fishing opener, deciding where we are going and guessing about the weather. The anticipation and planning are all part of the fun. We don’t all go to the same place every year, but some of us get together depending on who is available. No matter where everyone is fishing, we all have our cell phones and we send pictures back and forth of our catches. We call it the brag line.

I remember one opener that we spent with my parents and my kids at my brother John’s lake home near St. Cloud. The weather that year was less than ideal, with rain, sleet and snow. We dressed as we would for ice fishing, but we never caught so many fish. We had multiple boats on the water, and my kids and I were on my brother’s pontoon, which we fondly call the party barge. I think it is one of the biggest pontoons that they make and it even has a bathroom on board. It is perfect for taking the kids along. My brother has always had the patience of a saint, so he hung in there with my kids who managed to take turns repeatedly tangling their lines.

Despite the tangled lines and bathroom breaks, we all caught fish that year. My brother barely got his line in the water when one of us would be yelling that we had a fish on and he had to get the net. It was a hell of a fishing opener. When we got back to shore, and before any staking of the fish, there had to be group pictures holding our catches and also comparing to see who caught the biggest or the longest, or the smallest. We have a lot of fish pictures, because we take pictures of them no matter the size or the kind.

I remember another year where my mom and dad, and my husband Joe and I were in the same boat on the opener. The fish were not biting at all that year, but we had beautiful weather and we had a lot of good conversation. As we talked and trolled around the lake in the sunshine, my mom went to cast her line out and accidentally threw her entire rod over board. We all saw it, but it took a minute to register what she had done and to take any action. By the time we got the dip net to try to retrieve it, we were all laughing so hard; it had sunk like a rock, so there was no hope. It took my mom a while to laugh about it. She was in shock and kept saying she just didn’t know how that happened. The more she tried to explain it, the funnier it got. We still talk about it to this day and tease her about throwing her rod away, just because the fish were not biting.

Many people talk about fishing stories, but it is because of the crazy things that happen in boats while fishing. You cannot make this stuff up. We were fishing Green Lake with my parents just a few years ago and my Dad caught a really large Northern. We put it into the live well, even though it barely fit. The live well aerator stopped running, because the fish was up against it. My dad went to open the live well to fix the aerator and that Northern jumped clean out of the live well in the back of the boat and into the lake. It was gone. That is one that if I had not seen it myself, I would have said they were making it up. I wish I would have had a camera in hand. The look on my dad’s face was worth a thousand words. I have never seen him so stunned. We were all speechless for a second and than started laughing and said it was good he jumped out because he was clearly part dolphin anyway.

We have so many fond memories of fishing excursions. One thing has become clear over the years. Fishing has little to do with the actual fish that we catch. One year my sister in law and I both caught carp and proudly took photos of those ugly things. Fishing has more to do with spending time with parents, grandparents and kids, in the sunshine or the sleet, on the water and more importantly together. Those moments with others which leave us with a lifetime of memories of happy moments and funny stories and time spent with family. Fishing has been one of those things that helped bring us all together in a shared life. It brought Joe and me together so long ago, as a couple and it brought us close to our kids over the years and our kids with their grandparents and uncles and aunts. The fishing connection is one of family and fun and most importantly time spent together. It cannot be overrated.

Crazy Adventurer Kids

April 26, 2015June 18, 20151 Comment

In planning adventures for our family, we always tried to make the adventures age appropriate. I remember our first white water rafting experience. Our kids were probably between the ages of five and nine years old. We were on vacation in Idaho and the “white water” was more of a slow shallow river, as it was tailored to young families. But at their age it was exciting and the raft company did a great job of making it seem more wild and dangerous than it really was. They praised the kids for paddling hard over the “rapids” and let them hang in life jackets over the side of the raft, in the shallow area and take a little swim in the river. When the kids were teenagers, we were on vacation in Colorado and we actually went real white water rafting in the Royal Gorge. Now that was real excitement and because we started things like that when they were young, they were always game to go bigger. On vacations we always looked for new experiences and have done everything from snorkeling, skiing, scuba diving to train rides, hiking, camping, and kayaking, dancing and fossil hunting. When my son was a senior in High School and my daughter was a sophomore in High School and their older sister had just started college, we agreed to have a German foreign exchange student stay with us for the year. My Ben was 18, Lukas from Germany was 17 and my Jenny was 16. They got along great and the entire situation was perfect in hindsight. This was a fabulous experience for many reasons, but one of my fondest memories is when we took the three of them to the Florida Keys for Spring break. We rented a two bedroom condo on the beach at a resort. It had great sand beaches, nice pools and restaurants and a large pier for fishing. We brought the blender along for smoothies to save some cash and the condo had a kitchen so we could do some of the cooking for this crowd, because it seemed like they ate constantly. We had driven down so we had our vehicle and we had gone sailing, snorkeling and every evening we went to the Lorelei across the street to eat appetizers and have drinks at the sunset celebration. It was a good time. The kids always stayed up later than us sitting on the beach in front of the condo or playing games and talking. My husband and I were sound asleep one night in our beach condo, when all of a sudden the bedroom door burst open and almost went through the other wall. It was Ben, Jenny and Lukas all talking at the same time. They were loud and excited and their initial busting in almost caused us a heart attack. I finally realized in my sleepiness, which quickly went away with the adrenaline pumping through my veins that they were excited fun, not excited, call 911 because something bad happened. As we heard them talking all at once as excited as anyone should ever be allowed, they were all repeating “we caught a freaking shark.” Finally, it registered as they were shoving their cell phones at us showing pictures of the shark they had caught on the fishing pier at our resort. I grabbed my glasses and took Ben’s phone and sure enough there it was, Jenny holding up a small shark by the tail. As I looked at the picture closer I could see it was curling its head up towards her hands. I said, “Was it trying to bite you?” All of them answered almost in unison, “Yes, it was trying to bite us the whole time”. They said they caught it on a frozen shrimp from the freezer. I looked at the clock and it was after 2 a.m. Had they not learned anything from their favorite movie—Jaws? Who fishes from an Ocean pier at 2 in the morning? After looking at their pictures and hearing the whole story about the big scary catch and how they were using the Muskie fishing rod they had brought from Minnesota, tied to the top of the Yukon, I could not help but be proud of their craziness and a little scared about their good judgment. We heard how they each held the shark and took a picture for Facebook and to send to their friends, and how they had to hurry with the pictures so they could safely release it. None of my kids were ever in any serious trouble, but these kinds of shenanigans were commonplace and added to all of our fun and our family stories. I have never regretted the money and time we spent on doing fun things and vacations.

Lessons from a Puppy

April 9, 2015March 18, 20151 Comment

Being in the work world, no matter what your profession, can be challenging and sometimes discouraging. It can be a roller coaster. Some days you are on top of the world and other days the naysayers and the negative energy gets to you. Some days I leave the office and I am dragging my tail.

After one particularly bad day I came to be reminded that I had to go to the humane society with my 11-year-old daughter. She had decided about a month before that she wanted to be a volunteer and my husband and I were quite pleased that she took the initiative and wanted to help out. Of course, after we praised her up and down and after much back slapping she informed us that because she was under 12, she needed a parent with her, each and every time she volunteered. Because of the initial fuss we had made about her wonderful decision to help out, we couldn’t gracefully decline going along without looking bad. Now, I grew up on a farm and I love animals, but my husband never had pets until he met me. So guess who was going to be the parent volunteer.

When I got home after my bad, bad day, I was reminded that tonight was our first night to be volunteers. My silent thoughts raced quickly. Could I lie and tell her we got a call and they are closed? Could I just say I’m too tired? Could I fake illness? None were options without teaching her the wrong lessons and she looked so excited about her first night. I said “O.K.” with as much enthusiasm as I could muster and we were off.

In the beginning we were doing pretty much what we expected. Walking unruly, untrained but sweet dogs who needed some love and a home. My daughter and I talked and laughed as the dogs would become tangled around our legs, and the larger ones would practically pull her around the outdoor path provided for exercise. After a while we were asked if we could bathe a puppy who wasn’t being adopted as quickly as they normally are, because it seems he was quite dirty and smelly. We went to get him and his condition was not exaggerated. He was dark brown with downy long hair. He had the face of a Collie with a long nose and beautiful eyes, but his fur was actually sticky and he stunk like urine. He had been abandoned but if we could get him cleaned up he would surely be adopted because he was the sweetest thing. My daughter and I went to work.

We were shown to the small bathing area in the back. It was only large enough for the raised dog washing station, a sink, my daughter and me. With the door closed, we had little room to maneuver. We lifted the big puppy into the sink and tried to reassure him that this was not going to be something bad, but of course he was shaking like a leaf. We carefully made sure the water was warm but the sprayer was still on the strong side which was scaring the puppy. As we were moving around and spraying down the puppy, we unknowingly knocked over a large bottle of shampoo. The puppy was trying to escape and we were trying to spray him down and shampoo him. We were becoming soaked ourselves in this Laurel and Hardy attempt to wash this puppy. All of the sudden we realized the gallon size shampoo had spilled on the tile floor. Since my hands were busy, my daughter Sara grabbed the bottle and I tried to find the cover. While watching her do this, I wasn’t watching where I was spraying because I was still holding the squirmy puppy and I realized I was spraying water on the ceiling. I grabbed it quickly, but now the water was dripping down onto the shampoo loaded floor and it was becoming very slippery for Sara and me to move around. Just as we were in full chaos, there was a knock at the door from the executive supervisor who said “Is everything okay?” We both busted out laughing. We looked like a bad Lucille Ball episode. Our hair was dripping and our clothes and shoes were wet and slimy with soap and water, but the puppy looked great. We dried him off and fluffed his hair. He was as cute as a bunny and was adopted the very next day.

I would go crazy but for my family. They really do bring you back to earth and help you to remember what’s really special and important, and what needs to be left at the office. Family and humor cannot be overrated. We need both to overcome those things that bring us down and to make our lives fun.

Mother of the Year Award

March 26, 2015March 18, 20151 Comment

As parents we try to do our best with our kids and sometimes we get it right and sometimes not so much. Let’s face it, we try to build our careers and please our bosses and we try to build and keep a good marriage and in the process raise smart, happy, well behaved kids, keep up with our friends and aging parents and have some fun along the way. We have a long to do list and we try to fit in grocery shopping, birthday parties, soccer, hockey and dance. We run full speed and yet do our best to get in those all important family dinners. We are stretched thin in those younger child raising years. They are fun, but challenging. I remember running around tired for about 10 years straight. Coffee was my best friend.

I will never forget one particular fall morning after school had already started and the family was working off of a nice routine. My kids were in middle school and I had the morning responsibility to put them on the bus and then I was off to work. Mornings at our house were like many other families: crazy, disorganized and loud until it all came together just minutes before the bus came and like a miracle everyone was moving toward the car with shoes tied and backpacks ready. As we loaded into the car, my son Ben informed me that he had told his science teacher that we lived in the woods and he had volunteered to bring in salamanders for their amphibian unit. He had told his teacher how they hung out in our window wells on sunny days. Of course, I was dressed in my suit as I had a court hearing in the morning and a women’s business lunch, and even though we lawyers don ‘t always have to wear suits to the office, we do when going to court.

I was wearing a skirt, blouse, jacket and hose, and now I had the job of finding amphibians. I looked at his big smile as he explained his excitement with the amphibian unit, as he recited all of the amphibian facts he had already learned. My mind raced as I interrupted him and asked hopefully—can you bring them tomorrow? “No” he replied. They need them today. I tried to explain that it was early morning and with this chill in the air, the amphibians are probably dug down into the mud, trying to stay warm. He said he promised his teacher. So there I was short of time and a dirty job to complete, while in a full suit.

I was trying to meet his expectations of bringing the salamanders for the amphibian unit, but in my head I was thinking there was no way we were going to find them on this chilly morning. I told him to go to the garage and get a plastic ice cream bucket. I took a kneeling pad out to the window well and a glove from the garage. I hoped and prayed as I gently dug in the leaves and yes there they were. It was like winning the kid lottery. I really did not think I would find them, but there were three and they all went into the bucket with some old leaves, sticks and a little dirt. I quickly poked some irregular holes in the top cover of the ice cream bucket as my son was beaming, not realizing the multiple miracles that just took place. Actually finding a bucket, finding the salamanders, and still not late for the bus or Court were all part of the miracle. To top it off I took a quick look at my suit and I was not dirty either. An all around success.

I thought we were home free. I handed them to Ben and said there you go. Let’s go catch the bus. He looked at me with a big frown and innocently reminded me that they have a “no live animals rule” on the bus. My middle schoolers were rule followers. My head flexed onto my back as I sighed heavily and said some dirty words internally. I refused to admit defeat on this day when we already had so many miracles. No bus rule would stop us from our mission. I looked at him and said, you have to take them on the bus, the school needs them so we have to bend the rules for the good of the Amphibian unit. This morning there is no other way. I put the bucket into a grocery bag and concealed it as best as possible. I made him promise not to tell anyone what was in the bag, until he got to school and not to show anyone on the bus what he had.

I made it clear that failure to follow these instructions would ruin the entire mission and he would not be allowed to have the salamanders for the amphibian unit. He was serious and I could tell from his commitment to this project that the salamanders were in good hands. We went to the bus and I again reminded him of his duty and I waved as he took off on the bus, hoping he could keep his mouth shut and not reveal the contents of his paper bag. Salamanders would be a pretty interesting and tantalizing secret to reveal to his friends on the bus. A difficult secret to keep for a young boy, but he did it.

I made it to court on time and the 6^th grade class had salamanders for their amphibian unit. When I got home after a busy day Ben presented me with the sweetest Thank you note signed by his teacher and all of the students in the class. It was a good day for a Mom!

There are so many times as parents that we think we maybe could do things better or do more and we beat ourselves up on the things we did not get quite right, but sometimes, just sometimes, everything works out on a particular fall day and we are an ordinary hero to our kids and a 6^th grade class who wants to learn about amphibians by looking and touching them and not just reading about them on the internet. Some days we should get an award for what we can or have accomplish as parents.

Fishing and the Original Red Dawn

March 5, 2015March 10, 2015Leave a comment

My husband and I had two daughters and one son. We always said each of our kids had their special place in our family. My daughter was the first and oldest child, which gave her that special space, and my son was in the middle but the only boy so that was special, and my youngest was a girl and the baby so that was her special place.

My husband is and was a great dad and with our son. He had an immediate connection because they were the only guys in the house. It was easy for me to develop a close relationship with my girls. We had a lot in common, not just because we were the same gender, but our personalities fit well together even though we were different in many ways. We had developed a bond easily choosing activities and flowing from activity to activity with ease. We had a connection that was effortless to maintain. I decided early on that as a mom I would need to make sure that I developed a good relationship with my son. I knew it would not be as effortless as with the girls, but I had had three brothers and I had grown up on a farm. We had gone hunting and fishing, and I was somewhat of a tomboy. So I decide to plan a couple of days together just him and me.

I took a couple of days off and told him to hitch up the fishing boat. I borrowed a friend’s cabin for the night. I told my son to pack for fishing, just him and me, and I was hoping that what I had planned would meet the clear excitement and anticipation I could see on his face. We got up early the next morning and drove up north to Crookneck Lake by Randall, Minnesota. We launched the boat after careful bait selection at the local shop and with our lunch cooler. We were lucky enough to have a really warm sunny day that allowed a comfortable full day in the boat. We discussed bait choices, depths to try for different fish and sometimes just sat in silence. As the day wore on the conversation became less superficial as we settled into a rhythm and the unwritten understanding in that no topic was off limits and there would be no judgment. We laughed together, we sometimes clumsily pulled in fish together, and we had the best day on the water anyone could hope for.

We caught a small Northern Pike and a crappie just enough for a little dinner. As a little chill started in the air, we made our way to the cabin and I handed my son the staking knife and even though he had seen fish cleaned before he had never actually done it himself. I gave him a few tips as he completed the task and the pride I could see in his eyes trumped the fact that the fillets looked like they had been through a meat grinder. We cooked up the fillets and washed them down with a beer that I brought to share even though he was not quite drinking age.

After dinner we built a fire and I put in the original Red Dawn movie and there alone in the cabin, warm cheeked from the days wind and sun, we watched high school boys save the United State of America with their guns and pickup truck. We shared one more beer and as the movie came to an end we could feel the tiredness, one only feels from all day outdoor activities, and we sunk into our beds. The next day we swam in the lake to cool off after a sunny day in the boat and headed back home. I knew it would be fun just to be together and do outdoor things, but I did not realize how really special it would be. Such a simple concept that did not require spending a lot of money created a lifelong memory for both of us. Teenage boys are not the best at expressing themselves, but he talked about our fishing trip for years. I would listen with pride when he would always start with, “My mom and I had the best bro weekend ever, we fished and watched Red Dawn up north at a cabin.” In all the things we do as parents that we question and wonder if we did them right, or could have done something better, this was a perfectly planned and executed bonding between mother and son.

Fun Living

Stories by Joan Quade

Category: Family Time